We all know that the challenges of new motherhood can be many–and overwhelming. If you are an HSP (highly sensitive person), then those challenges may be magnified—and you probably aren’t focusing on any self-care. This topic resonates deeply with me and intrigues me in the way the trait interacts with motherhood and its challenges.
Julie Bjelland is an LMFT, an HSP psychotherapist, and the author of Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person: Techniques to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelming Emotions. Julie’s mission is to help sensitive people reduce the challenges and increase the positives.Through her website specializing in highly sensitive people (the trait also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity), she offers many valuable resources for both HSP’s and parents of sensitive children. Julie has a mission to spread awareness and education about the trait of high sensitivity and believes the world needs the gifts of sensitive people.
Show Highlights:
- High sensitivity is a trait and not a disorder–and it’s NOT the same as introversion (30% of HSP’s are extroverts and 20% are introverts)
- From Elaine Aron’s work on HSP’s: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotionally responsive, and Sensitivity to subtle stimuli (DOES)
- The judgment around being sensitive and its connection to weakness
- How scientific research shows real brain differences in HSP’s
- On the positive side, HSP’s are more empathetic, more aware, and more compassionate
- Common for the HSP mother is to put themselves at the bottom of the priority list and take care of others first
- Trained HSP vs. untrained HSP
- Self-care—a conscious action you take to lower your stress and bring you to a balanced state
- A key for HSP’s is getting enough sleep in order to understand and meet specific needs
- An HSP mom’s default setting is to be hard on themselves and focus on everyone else’s needs
- Certain parts of the brain in HSP moms will be overactive, like merging into everyone else’s moods and experiences
- Many people who seek treatment for anxiety will also have the HSP trait
- How HSP contributes to overall perinatal depression and anxiety, since everything changes in mind, body, and spirit
- Why HSP’s need creative ways to get two hours of alone time each day
- The tendency to measure everything in ourselves and others against the standard of perfection
- Self-talk, with low levels of self-compassion and criticism of themselves
- Common characteristics of HSP’s: perfectionism, sleep-deprived, overstimulated, and misunderstood
- Steps to help HSP’s:
- Develop self-compassion (Kristin Neff outlines 3 steps)
- Take breaks when needed
- Practice mindfulness
- 50% of clients in therapy are HSP’s
- Supporting moms and dads better in pregnancy and the postpartum period could impact parenting differently and offer more support
- Using the right tools for support in children can prevent many problems and help them gain confidence and have an easier time accepting who they are
Resources:
Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person: Techniques to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelming Emotions.by Julie Bjelland
The Highly Sensitive Child by Dr. Elaine Aron
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
Find Julie on Facebook: The Highly Sensitive Person
Instagram: hsp psychotherapist
Twitter: @juliebjelland
LinkedIn: highly-sensitive-juliebjelland
Understanding the Highly Sensitive Mother
In an enlightening episode of the “Mom and Mind” podcast, hosted by Dr. Kat, the unique challenges faced by highly sensitive persons (HSPs), especially new mothers, are explored with depth and empathy. The guest, Julie Bjelland, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a noted HSP expert, shares invaluable insights drawn from her extensive work and her book, “Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person: Techniques to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelming Emotions.”
The Nature of High Sensitivity
Julie begins by clarifying a common misconception: high sensitivity is a trait, not a disorder, and distinct from introversion. She references the research of Elaine Aron, who identifies four key characteristics of HSPs, known by the acronym DOES: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotionally responsive, and Sensitivity to subtle stimuli. These attributes mean that HSPs experience the world in a profoundly vivid way, which can lead to both heightened challenges and enriched experiences.
The Stigma and Strengths of Sensitivity
One of the central themes of the podcast is the societal judgment that equates sensitivity with weakness. Julie and Dr. Kat discuss how this stigma is not only misleading but harmful. Scientific studies indicate that HSPs’ brains function differently, contributing to their acute emotional responses and empathy. This heightened empathy makes HSPs exceptionally compassionate and aware, qualities that are often overlooked in a fast-paced world.
The HSP Mother’s Experience
The conversation shifts to the specific context of motherhood, where the traits of an HSP can create unique pressures. Highly sensitive mothers often prioritize the needs of their family above their own, leading to a neglect of self-care. This self-sacrifice, while well-intentioned, can lead to significant stress and even burnout. Julie stresses the importance of self-care as a critical, conscious action that lowers stress and restores balance. A vital part of self-care for HSPs is ensuring adequate sleep, which helps in managing their sensitivity more effectively.
The Challenges and Solutions for HSP Mothers
Julie points out that the default setting for an HSP mom is to be overly critical of herself while being intensely attuned to the needs of others. This can lead to an overactive mental state where the mother’s brain merges too deeply into the emotions and moods of those around her. Many seeking treatment for anxiety might find they also share the HSP trait, which can complicate their emotional landscape, particularly in perinatal periods when changes to mind, body, and spirit are most pronounced.
To aid HSPs, Julie advocates for developing self-compassion, taking mindful breaks, and practicing mindfulness—techniques that can fundamentally improve their quality of life. Dr. Kat emphasizes the broader implications of supporting HSP parents more effectively, suggesting that improved understanding and support in prenatal and postnatal phases can lead to better parenting outcomes.
Empowering HSPs and Their Families
The podcast also touches on the importance of providing proper support for children of sensitive parents. Using the right tools and approaches can prevent many issues and help these children develop confidence and self-acceptance. Julie notes that approximately 50% of her therapy clients are HSPs, highlighting the need for tailored therapeutic approaches that address the specific needs of sensitive individuals.
Dr. Kat and Julie Bjelland’s discussion offers a comprehensive look at the intersection of high sensitivity and motherhood, advocating for greater awareness and specific strategies to harness the strengths of sensitive individuals while mitigating their challenges. For HSP mothers, understanding and adjusting to their innate traits can lead to more fulfilling and balanced lives, benefiting themselves and their families. This episode of “Mom and Mind” serves as a vital resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of high sensitivity, providing both scientific insights and practical advice tailored to the realities of sensitive mothers.
Dr. Kat offers perinatal mental health psychotherapy . consultation and training for the following:
Pregnancy Loss Support
Pregnancy Anxiety
Postpartum Anxiety
Pregnancy Depression
