Severe Postpartum Anxiety and Depression
My guest today shares her personal story of severe postpartum anxiety and depression while appearing in a high-functioning state to those around her. It is important for us to hear real-life accounts from those who look like “everything is fine.” Join us for a closer look from this unique perspective.
About Caitlin Shadek
Caitlin Shadek is a mom of three boys, ages 3, 6, and 8. She is a lawyer who has practiced as a commercial litigator for the past 14 years, but she recently left her job to attend Rutgers University School of Social Work to obtain her master’s degree in social work. Her desire is to work with women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and help bridge the gap in their care between the OB/GYN and the pediatrician. Caitlin felt that lapse in care firsthand when she suffered from severe postpartum depression and anxiety after her first two pregnancies and entered a hospital treatment program when her third son was a toddler. Her own experiences have been the impetus behind her career change and desire to help treat and advocate for better women’s mental health care. She is currently an intern at a practice specializing in infertility and prenatal/postnatal counseling.
Show Highlights
How Caitlin’s story begins about nine years ago with her first pregnancy and the immediate feelings of dread and panic she felt at the moment of birth
Why she was afraid to go home from the hospital with her new baby
How wearing a catheter for six weeks added to the anxiety she felt about caring for her baby
How dark thoughts plagued her–but she never shared them with anyone and pretended that everything was fine
How she began therapy and medication when her son was about nine months old, but the dark thoughts and depression continued
Why she wanted a second child–despite the serious issues in her life (including self-harming behaviors)
How she felt guilt about continuing her medication while pregnant and experienced postpartum depression AGAIN
How Caitlin went back to work and put on her “high-functioning postpartum depression face”
How her struggles continued into her pregnancy with her third son, and things felt a little different after his birth
How the pandemic threw their family into survival mode with everyone at home together
Why Caitlin worked very hard to put on a good face until everything culminated in December 2021–and she knew she was NOT OK
How Caitlin’s therapist sent her to the ER during an intense COVID resurgence because of her depression and suicidal thoughts
Why Caitlin agreed to go to the psychiatric floor for treatment–and then tried to change her mind
How she was released to go home and enrolled in an outpatient DBT program that changed her life
How Caitlin decided what her next phase of work would be–to become a social worker and provide other mothers with the help she had needed
Why maternal mental health falls between the OB/GYN and pediatrician and is often overlooked
What Caitlin would say to someone in a similar situation
High Functioning Postpartum Depression: Caitlin Shattuck’s Journey Through Motherhood and Mental Health
Postpartum depression and anxiety don’t always look the way we expect. For Caitlin Shattuck—a commercial litigator, mother of three, and now a social work graduate student—the symptoms were invisible to those around her. Despite struggling internally, Caitlin maintained the appearance of having everything under control. Her story shines a powerful light on an often overlooked reality: high functioning postpartum depression.
When High Achievement Masks Deep Pain
Caitlin’s experience with postpartum depression began immediately after the birth of her first child. Though her pregnancy and delivery were medically uneventful, she was overwhelmed by panic, dread, and an unshakable fear that something was wrong.
From the outside, Caitlin was the image of success—a high-powered attorney on maternity leave, tending to her newborn. But inside, she was barely holding on. She cried every day, experienced intrusive thoughts, and battled constant anxiety about doing everything “right.” Despite these symptoms, she brushed off her pain, thinking: This must just be what motherhood feels like.
What makes Caitlin’s story particularly impactful is her ability to function. She returned to work after each maternity leave, maintained her professional responsibilities, and presented herself as capable. Even friends and colleagues didn’t know she was struggling.
This is the hallmark of high functioning postpartum depression—a condition in which a mother appears well but is silently suffering from severe mental health challenges.
Hiding in Plain Sight
Caitlin sought therapy and tried different medications, but the stigma and shame of mental illness prevented her from being fully honest. She feared that admitting her struggles would make her appear weak or even unfit to be a mother.
“I was a high-functioning, depressed, and anxious mother,” Caitlin said. “But I could play it off, just like the best of them.”
Her mental health declined further with each postpartum experience. After her third child and the added pressure of the COVID-19 pandemic, Caitlin reached a breaking point. On the day after Christmas, she experienced a severe panic attack and suicidal ideation. She finally told her therapist the truth: she needed urgent help.
Breaking the Silence—and the Cycle
Caitlin was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and later entered an intensive outpatient program (IOP) focused on dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). For the first time, she found true relief.
In the group therapy setting, she felt validated and safe. “It changed my life,” she said. “It was the first time I could let go of the shame and stigma. I wasn’t alone.”
This experience not only helped Caitlin heal—it transformed her career. She left her job as a commercial litigator and enrolled in the Master of Social Work program at Rutgers University. Her mission now is to support other women facing perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and advocate for better maternal mental health care.
What Caitlin Wants You to Know
Caitlin’s message to other parents is clear: you’re not alone, and you’re not a failure.
Here’s what she wishes she had known sooner:
Speak up early. Even if it’s just to one trusted person. Silence can worsen suffering.
Postpartum depression isn’t always visible. High-functioning mothers may look fine but feel like they’re drowning inside.
There’s help—and it works. Group therapy, medication, and compassionate care can make all the difference.
You don’t have to suffer for years. Early intervention saves lives.
As a now-certified mentor for Postpartum Support International, Caitlin offers peer support and encourages others to use available resources like postpartum.net.
Final Thoughts
High functioning postpartum depression is real, misunderstood, and too often missed by professionals, families, and mothers themselves. Caitlin Shattuck’s story is a powerful reminder that mental illness doesn’t always look like incapacity—it can hide behind ambition, perfectionism, and social smiles.
If you or someone you know is silently struggling, help is available. You are not alone—and healing is possible.
Resources
Connect with Caitlin
Instagram: @cshadek
Step Into Motherhood Feeling Fully Supported- Online Course for New Moms
Visit www.postpartum.net for resources! I’d love to hear from you!
Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.
Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!
Dr. Kat offers perinatal mental health psychotherapy . consultation and training for the following:
Pregnancy Loss Support
Pregnancy Anxiety
Postpartum Anxiety
Pregnancy Depression
